I am Not Perfect for A Reason

WHY? The biggest question that comes up when something bad happens. We start searching for the answer to that question and some directing it right to Elohim with a blaming attitude. So Why do we go through things and deal with sickness, heartache, loses, or addiction to think of a few.

I am not Perfect for a Reason. That would not have been come out of my mouth even a year ago. I have mental scars from many things that have been done in my past by others and me. The fact that it used to haunt me at night, and that I used to be an angry child.

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I was always wondering why I had to go through the stuff that I did, and why at a such age was expected to defeat such temptations at a young age. I didn’t understand at the time why I was allowed to feel such pain at a young age.So what was it that I go through as a child that makes me less perfect.

DIVORCE, a common practice that happen these days.  I lived with my dad and grandparents and was practically raised by my grandparents while my dad worked(which I didn’t see much of him). My mother was working and going to college and at the time  there was many things that happened between us in which I have fully forgiven. I let the PAIN of the divorce and actions that were taken to affect me a lot, making me an ANGRY child, which let me to bully my brother(he bullied me back by the way).

BULLIED for not being as smart as the other kids in my grade. I never had a pair of pants in 1st grade with out holes in the knees. I was also chocked in front of teachers and kids who were laughing. The teachers just thought it was all fun and games. When I decided that I needed to stand up to the bully which caused some fighting and I ended up being in detention.

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DYSLEXIA where I needed to be in extra reading classes, to be in special ed and to take test in separate rooms. While I was taking the special reading classes, my homeroom teacher took me out of math, which she didn’t tell my parents causing me to be behind on math for years.

PORNOGRAPHY, I was heavily addicted to it from 3rd grade to 6th grade. I fought it for years afterwards and deal with the aftermath of the mental effects. I later noticed that my mind was rewired, I know sounds weird but its true. I came across it when I was on the internet unsupervised. I was not warned about it and did not know what to do when I came across it. I didn’t tell anyone about my addiction for I was afraid of what my family was going to do, and I remember trying to get the nerves to tell my grandparents. My attitude and personality changed after I got addicted and my actions were being controlled by the addiction.

I have been controlled, manipulated, bullied and have been mentally and sexually assault. I dealt with the anxiety from those issues and needed to work through it which also took many years. I wasn’t just the person being hurt, I have also controlled, bullied, and lied to people. I noticed my actions were getting pretty bad and I tried to change away from that. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1_9

Why did I go through these things? When you think that Elohim gives us trials that we can only handle, in which I heard some say one time that he gives us trials that we can’t handle so we look to him for help.

I learned that what happens when I don’t forgive. I learned the dangers of pornography can do to a child. I learned what bullying does to people, I learned that my dyslexia showed me that if I work hard it opens many doors.

When you look at your life and wonder why things have happened?See what it has taught you and how it can make you a better person. See if there is something that your experiences can help others?

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I am a stay at home mom/homemaker with two little boys. I Like writing, decluttering, doing projects and so much more.

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