Whats on my Heart!

Hey Family,

I thought that I would jump on here a little bit, and just write out some things that have been on my heart. I am pretty tired this morning since I have been up since 3 am with a little baby boy who didn’t want to go to sleeping and when he did he would poop his diaper so I hope this makes some sense.

Lately, I have not been able to write anything decent. I feel like my cluttered house has been blocking my mind and its the most frustrating thing. I have not been able to clean my house thoroughly since bringing my little man home. I have one project that I need to finish so I can do another deep spring cleaning, and hope to get to it this week. In the meantime, there will be less post on my blog until I can get a handle of the chaos.

“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”

Last night around 10 pm, I wasn’t able to get to sleep and I was pretty tired. If I don’t fall asleep I start daydreaming because even adults still do that. Well daydreaming was not happening because my mind was running a 100 miles an hour after what happened yesterday afternoon.

Everything was normal other than a random dog walking our property¬† and I didn’t think much of it. We live in area that is close to a suburb in the country and I have seen random animals on our property. This dog looked a lot like our dog Sadie and I thought that she was some how off her chain. I went to put on my shoes and got back to our door and saw that it wasn’t Sadie but a Rottweiler cross. I decided that I didn’t need to go outside and make friends with the dog.

I didn’t see the dog after awhile and forgot that it was on the property until my husband came home and he walked over to the house with his dad. They asked if there was a dog that I had seen and if I heard a commotion sometime in the day? I told them I saw a dog but didn’t hear anything. Finding out that the goats were attacked and killed. That the horse was OK but run out of her enclosure, that the cat isn’t around but the dog was perfectly alright. I went calling for the cat (she does come to her name) but she didn’t come.

I was shaken up by everything and I have learned to handle certain things with less fear and worry. This time I wasn’t able to get a complete hold of that fear, what if’s and what could have happened. We did have to talk to a cop who took our statements and then my husband and his dad buried the goats. The cat did make it home so I didn’t lose my little friend.

What could have happen, sure ran through my head as I have two boys. If I came home later that the dog could have decided to pay us a visit as I was getting them out of the car, what if I did let my son play with his toys outside, what if I did check to see if that was Sadie. What if that dog decided that it wasn’t done attacking and I didn’t have anything around to protect the boys and myself. That ran through my head constantly until I went to sleep. I couldn’t stop my fears taking hold and feeling helpless.

The thing is, Yeshua protected us. From the time I came home, the fact that I decided to have my older boy in the house instead of playing outside and that I didn’t see what dog it was.

We are going to miss the goats, not only because it was mother-n-laws animals but also because it gave us milk for our oldest boy. I am glad that it wasn’t my boys or me that was attacked. The dog is back home to his owners since he was missing since Friday and I hope that things can be situated with the owners.

It was a great reminder that I am not in control but Yeshua is, that He is our protector. That fear doesn’t do me any good, it just causes me to lose sleep and feel like I am not able to do anything to protect my family when it comes time for that. That Yeshua knows when we are in need of His protection before we do but also need a reminder that we don’t need to fear.

I am hoping that tonight I am able to get a little bit more sleep and not worry about so much that is not in my control.

Young Country Mama

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