2 Years Ago

Dear Little Man,

You turned 2 today and you drive me crazy. I am blessed that you are my son and that I am able to be your mom. I wouldn’t change it for the world to stay home and watch you grow, teaching you to be a young man that you are becoming. I am struggling with your tantrums, pushing the boundaries, getting into everything and shutting off your ears. I had always struggled being a mom because at first I was totally lost in how to raise you. I dealt with postpartum depression unknowingly which made it harder for me to transition into motherhood easily. I didn’t know how to play with you then. I do remember some great times during the first year of your life snuggling with you and watching you smile and learning new things. I did feel like a failure and almost went back to work but I am glad that I didn’t give up on my dream of being home with you.

After mama was feeling better, I was able to enjoy so much more. Even though i was and still struggling, I knew that we were going to make it through and it helped us grow. Being home with you, I have been able to learn so much about myself and letting go of things holding me back. I do feel if I went back to work that I would be missing out on something that someone else was going to be enjoying.

I have seen how smart you can be as you go into the shop watching your dad and grandpa do so much. When i saw you take a wrench to a nut that you starting turning it without help. The time that you started threading nuts while grandpa was watching or taking a drill and making a straight hole in wood. When grandma comes for you to do animals and you are great helping her, carefully handling the animals that you are watching others do. You like cleaning and helping which makes it difficult but also wonderful.

I am glad and feel blessed that i have you terrorizing me all day long. It does get lonely sometimes but when I was able to take you to a great playgroup were you got to play. I was able to socialize with other moms, it helps me not feel like I am going crazy. Sometimes I do feel like I am failing but when I get those hugs I know that I am at least trying. You are one of those kids that don’t pre-made schedules and will do everything to make it difficult. Your dad reminds me that we prayed for a stubborn boy, what was I thinking. The Lord has given me such a wonderful gift.

When you little brother comes in April I believe you will be the best brother. I will love you the same, your dad will be taking to the shop to help with your attention grabbing moments. I will like to mention that I was also a trouble maker as a child! I love you my little man and I am very proud you have come. I am glad to be home with you and not letting go of a dream.

Love Your Young Country Mama,

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