Why Young Country Mama Blog!

I am Young Mom, I had my first little man at 21 , and my second at 23 years old. I might not be a teen mom which is younger than I am but I am still pretty young to have a kid in today’s society. I am very happy that this is the choice that I made. When I told people that I was getting married, I was around 19 years old. The first thing I was told that I should wait a little longer and to find myself and to live my life. That is what I am doing, I am living my life as a young wife and mom. I also chose to stay home with my little man to take care of him, to help him grow which helped me grow as a person.

My experience in the past couple years have really showed me who I am as a person. With those experiences, lessons and moment’s. I thought would be great to share. I felt alone when I was just starting off as a stay at home mom, but I did notice Youtuber’s and bloggers that had helped me along my journey. I believe that my journey is different than another persons journey and that I have different story to tell along with different opinions.

The other thing that drove me to start my blog wasn’t just being a stay at home mom who was  lonely in her world which was just filled with her son, I always had thoughts running through my head. Those thoughts needed a place to go, an outlet. With the go ahead from my husband I started blogging. Now my blogging journey hasn’t been easy with mental road blocks along the way, the thing that is helping me this time is that I am no longer listening to my insecurities.

This blog is also a place where I can freely express what I stand for; both politically and religiously. I can do this without being censored from Facebook and Instagram. I know that everyone has their views and opinions and that I would like to exercise on here, with an open discussion. It seems that we have become too sensitive to what everyone has to say which is hard for one to be open about what they are standing up for, in fear that it will be turned around to harm us. Freedom of speech I believe is no longer allowed by many people and no I am not meaning our President.

With writing out the reason for this blog in helping me also showing that I am able to open myself up to be free in my content. Now my content isn’t to hurt people around me, it isn’t to put people down in the process of speaking my mind. I don’t have knowledge of other people’s experience but my own, so I won’t be speaking out about Working mom’s (total respect for them), nor do I have experience of some one that has gone through much more in life than I have. I am only going to be talking about my life experiences, knowledge and opinions.

Thank You

Young Country Mama

How I Found My Purpose!

“The most important work you will do will be within the walls of your own Home”-Herold B. Lee.

Today I am going to talk about my journey of finding my purpose as a Women, Wife and Mom. This journey took a while and it took one word to open up my mind and eyes! You will just get a glimpse of what I do, and how it has changed my life. This is going to be the first post of many that you will see here on my blog.

When I became a Stay at Home mom in 2017, I had felt like I was missing something in my life. I kept searching for my purpose, I knew that I wanted to be home with my son but I felt lost. I kept searching on how to find your purpose as a stay at home mom on Pinterest to see if their was any blog post that would shed some light to my dimmed world. There is so many articles on how to find your purpose but none of them resonated with me until one day I came upon an article titled Homemaking.

I have never heard of the word Homemaking before or what it meant, so I clicked on that blog post and started reading. What I read, resonate with me on many levels. It was the jump start to my journey to become a better mom and wife in finding my purpose that I was searching for that seemed to be missing.

So what is Homemaking? Well it is practically the old word for Stay at Home Mom, a lot simpler to say. Though a lot of women feel when you say that you are homemaker that you just take care of the home, and that being a Stay at Home Mom shows that you are fully devoted to your child. Homemaker mean that you are taking care both of your children and your home.

I lived with my grandparents for so long that some of the older ideas in life stuck with me. I might be a millennial and like some of the newer things but I love the old culture and history. Yes, you can call me weird. To be called a housewife, and homemaker doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

When I just referred myself as a stay at home mom, I had that mindset that I was to focus on my son more than anything else. Sadly, my house was a disaster, there wasn’t a decent meal on the table, and I was always making excuses for why I was so behind on laundry. I felt lazy and my son wasn’t learning how to be independent like he needed to be, which made it difficult when became 6 months old. He knew that he had mama listed #1 on speed dial and I always doing everything to make him the happiest baby around. Now I know their isn’t such a thing as a spoiled baby but I didn’t have control of myself or my life around me.

When I started thinking about my duties of being a Stay at home Mom and Homemaker, I felt that their was more than just staying home and taking care of my child. I realized that I needed to take care of my home the best that I can, that didn’t mean that I was constantly cleaning the house. I was taking care of the budget, meal planning and cooking, home projects/upkeep, gardening and decorating, shopping, scheduling/planning etc. I started to feel like I did have a purpose as women, wife and mom. I no longer felt limited, and I was no longer using excuses when my husband came home from work.

I will say that our home, I don’t let Joel do the chores unless their is people coming over for a gathering/party. I am a very picky person on how I like stuff to get done. I also know that my husband,who is a lumberjack, works all day cutting trees which means a lot of walking. I let him entertain our two year old, and he can be driven crazy with our son’s antics while I take care of things in the home.

I have said this journey as been long and I am far from perfect. I have had a couple things that have helped me along this journey. Watching stay at home mom vloggers, they are great for motivations to clean and declutter, it also showered me that having a young kid doesn’t mean that you aren’t able to clean. I have also stopped using a cleaning routine chart because they don’t work, if I just focus on the basics that are needed to get done each day than I feel accomplished. Also my favorite saying that popped in my head one night and that is ” You might not have the motivation but you got determination”. Determination can get you pretty far especially when you set your mind to do something.

I didn’t just find my purpose, I also found myself proud of the way my home looks when I have the dishes clean and clothes put away. I have noticed that I am no longer just wanting to sit in the chair and watch TV, instead I feel antsy to get stuff done. I am no longer making excuses to my husband and he is also happy to see the house cleaner. My son is playing independently and he knows that mama isn’t always going to be there at every single call. I was able to take back a lot of control, and I can also breath a little bit easier.

Young Country Mama

Overcoming Anxiety

“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart  is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalms 61:2

I didn’t realize that when I became a stay at home mom that I would be able to overcome something that held me back in life. I am so grateful for the trials that Yeshua has put me through in this job. That postpartum depression helped me overcome the majority of my anxiety. Recovering from my postpartum depression showed me my potential that my husband said that he saw in me but was hiding.

As long as I remember I dealt with anxiety, the thing is I thought it was just being a teenager. I do believe that with our society, the pressures in life that anxiety in teenagers are very common. You don’t really know that someone is dealing with anxiety when you are looking at them, and no one realized that I was dealing with it. My anxiety fed of my insecurities that were caused by many things.

My insecurities came from being bullied, dyslexia, looking at pornography, being compared to others constantly, expectations of my parents and my parents divorce. Those things caused me to believe that I wasn’t smart, a constant failure which made me think that I wasn’t going to mount to anything. I didn’t feel like I was worthy, strong or beautiful, and that I wasn’t my own individual with my own thoughts or opinions. I felt that I was going to let everyone around me down, that I wasn’t going to make anyone happy. I also was dealing with my parents divorce in all the wrong ways,  being placed in situations that weren’t healthy.

When my husband and I were dating I was doubting why he wanting anything to do with me. I almost let my insecurities to ruin my relationship that was wonderful. I am glad that I didn’t end it over my anxiety or insecurities and that we are happily married with a wonderful little man that destroys my home.

I didn’t know how to beat my anxiety and some days I would doubt that I was dealing with it because it wasn’t even there until it would hit me in the head. I dealt with it until I started having postpartum depression and I will say that wasn’t fun. My postpartum depression emphasized my insecurities that did start showing through compared to the anxiety. I felt that I was paralyzed and that was a constant fog. I did realized that I was dealing with the depression that I knew that I needed to take control of it.

Going to the gym helped me deal with anxiety to a point before getting pregnant, so I decided that was the first thing that I was going to help both the postpartum depression and the anxiety. Some of the challenges that my son put me through like weaning him helped me gain my determination and will power that I didn’t have for a long time. Joel and his family helped me  by letting me speak my mind showing me that I do have my own thoughts and opinions. My husband didn’t compare me to any other girl that he had in his life or someone that he sees on TV, which also helped me feel like I was my own person.

When I started taking care of my home like a homemaker, I saw myself as a boss. I was able to see my potential. My son depends on me to take care of him and love him like he needs, even though some days I am not doing my best but I don’t feel like I am a failure. My son doesn’t have a preconceived of what I should be as a mom, he also doesn’t seem that he certain expectations that I have to meet. I started doing welding again and creating DIY projects did show that I was pretty good at many things that I thought I was just a failure. When it came to certain situations I was able to handle the stress.

I started seeing so much of what my husband saw that I was no longer doubting why he wanted to marry me. I started seeing that I was beautiful, strong, smart, and worthy. I started seeing that I had determination, will-power and fierceness. That I did have skills and talents that felt like I was no longer trapped in a small box.

I have been through many jobs that I had to be part of a team, sticking to a schedule and answer to a boss. I did do many jobs at one place but nothing compares to being a stay at home mom that have do so many jobs packed into one. This job is pretty hard and my only charge is a two year old that will start whining for no reason, and demanding for everything that he can’t have. I have to balance motherhood and being a homemaker. I am very proud of being a Boss!

Young Country Mama

 

Postpartum Depression

This a tough Blog post that I haven’t been able to write in a while but I look at my notebook and I found it. Every women has a different story than the person next to them. I thought that someone else wrote about this already that I shouldn’t share what I went through. The thing about my story is that it is different than the other one you read, because I am not the same as that person.

Its hard when you lose your determination, will-power, confidence, sociability, love for things and always constantly trying to find something that you lost like your purpose in life. Well I dealt with all that the first year of being a mom, making my transition into motherhood and stay at home with my son very tough. I thought that something was off with me but I didn’t know what, I searched about Postpartum Depression and it seemed that I didn’t fit in the description so I didn’t think I have it. Instead I thought that I was just going through a phase in life and that maybe this is what it is like to be a mom.

Always in a Fog! Always unprepared, inadequate, worth-less, and not enjoying what was before me or life in general. I didn’t want to commit suicide and I didn’t stop loving my husband, I was just constantly frustrated. I loved my son and was overjoyed by the fact that God gave me such a precious gift that grew so fast that I couldn’t keep up. I did smile when he did and I was always happy that he was my son, but I felt like a constant failure. I didn’t know how to get him from one milestone to another, I didn’t know how to play with him. I was starting to hate breastfeeding because he always kept eating. It was a smooth transition for some parts of my life, I was able to take showers and make sure I had some clean clothes but the house around me was just a disaster. I was always sitting in the chair looking up on Pinterest in how to play with your kid or sleeping/feeding schedules that might help me out, which none of the worked.

I wasn’t eating healthy meals, I was drinking 3 to 4 cans of Dr. Pepper a day and going to fast food restaurants for lunches to get out of the house because I felt cooped up. I wasn’t going to the gym and I was blacking out more times that I should. I was crying over the fact that I just couldn’t do it. I felt that I was never enough for anyone, that I should just give up on a dream that I wanted for so long. I started shopping to help cope with my loneliness, I didn’t have a lot of friends I could relate with and didn’t know how to make any mom friends. When I started going to the gym to help me both physically and mentally, I just started taking the mini birth control pill. It was great knowing that I was not getting pregnant but the side effects made my depression foggier. I was already feeling like I was a complete failure, that I wasn’t the right person for the job or that maybe I should put my son in Daycare. I wasn’t taking care of myself in any way. Even though started to cut down on some of the bad habits but other things took its place. For the time that I was taking the pill I felt like I was always in a fog not able to get out of it in anyway.

I was constantly worry about everything and making situations bigger than it was already was (they were very small). I started to back away from things that I loved and I wasn’t enjoying motherhood even though that was what I wanted in life. I went to a wedding in the summer and even though I was pretty decent at the time I wasn’t just feeling out of place but I didn’t enjoy the wedding like I normally do. I felt constantly guilty that I was part of something that my husband was forced to take care of our child for long periods of time. As time went on for months I became more secluded, hating being sociable, I was spending more money and eating so much more. I stopped going to the gym and I was getting be unhealthy which cause me to get very sick. I also stopped letting people watch our son unless I needed to go grocery shopping.

The family doctor noticed at my son’s appointment that something was off with me, I was offended that he thought I wasn’t doing well because I didn’t realized that I was really not myself. His solution was to go out on a date with my husband and to start supplement formula in my sons diet. My son at the time was still on demand for nursing and he was eating a lot of food. The thing is going out on a date with my husband was mental hell for me, I couldn’t enjoy myself at all.

That date showed me something and that I wasn’t right. I wasn’t myself in anyway and that I needed to get help or start figuring out what works for me, that I needed to take care of myself mentally and physically. The sickness that I had right before that date, showed that I was so unhealthy that I was on antibiotics and I wasn’t able to eat anything proper.

Symptoms

  • I felt like I was in a constant fog, or in a rabbit hole that I couldn’t get out
  • I couldn’t enjoy anything, even a wedding that I was waiting to be apart of. I felt like I was constantly failing at everything
  • I felt like I wasn’t meant for motherhood, and that my son was better off at daycare
  • I was no longer wanting to be sociable· I stop letting people watching my son unless once in a great while.
  • I stop going to the gym· Every little situation was made into something huge even when it was nothing.

Causes

  • I was always sitting around, either watching tv, playing on my tablet or reading a book, nothing around the house was getting done and I stressed over that.
  • The mini birth control pill · Stop going to the gym· Stop letting people watching my son and not getting out of the house with my husband.
  • I kept looking at Pinterest or the Web for every solution
  • Didn’t rely on God

I was no longer myself, I lost all my determination and will power. I was no longer confident in myself in how I can manage life or how I looked. I went from being extrovert to a introvert. I was feeling useless and worthless as a mom.

What Helped me

  • I started going to the gym for 3x a week, it got me out of the house and spending time with my husband.
  • I got off the pill, which instantly lifted the fog that I was living in.
  • I started slowly weaning my son.· I stopped looking at Pinterest or the web for everything.
  • I looked for SAHM Youtube Motivation
  • I started cleaning my home, in a process. I needed to take care of my home along with taking care of my son, husband and myself.

Each depression or anxiety has different symptoms for each person, that you might deal with it differently or how it has shown up in your life. Even though I didn’t fit in the box with my Postpartum Depression I still had it. The doctor recently told me when I explained a lot of what I dealt with was that I was going through was Postpartum anxiety, but I don’t think I would have felt the way I did if it was just anxiety. How each person deals with it is also different.

After going through all that I have been a lot stronger than I was before. Sometimes you can’t get me to shut up, Social life is back. I also don’t feel inadequate maybe I just feel like I struggle with each step but who doesn’t struggle. I have determination and will-power and oh that confidence well it is there making me feel that I am a wonderful women, wife and mom. I am glad that I didn’t give up on this dream of mine and I do love motherhood. I think going through this isn’t ideal and I hope that when my second son comes around that I don’t go through it again but in the end I am a better person. Proving that I can’t give up on myself while being a mom and that I am also worth the fight.

Young Country Mama

 

2 Years Ago

Dear Little Man,

You turned 2 today and you drive me crazy. I am blessed that you are my son and that I am able to be your mom. I wouldn’t change it for the world to stay home and watch you grow, teaching you to be a young man that you are becoming. I am struggling with your tantrums, pushing the boundaries, getting into everything and shutting off your ears. I had always struggled being a mom because at first I was totally lost in how to raise you. I dealt with postpartum depression unknowingly which made it harder for me to transition into motherhood easily. I didn’t know how to play with you then. I do remember some great times during the first year of your life snuggling with you and watching you smile and learning new things. I did feel like a failure and almost went back to work but I am glad that I didn’t give up on my dream of being home with you.

After mama was feeling better, I was able to enjoy so much more. Even though i was and still struggling, I knew that we were going to make it through and it helped us grow. Being home with you, I have been able to learn so much about myself and letting go of things holding me back. I do feel if I went back to work that I would be missing out on something that someone else was going to be enjoying.

I have seen how smart you can be as you go into the shop watching your dad and grandpa do so much. When i saw you take a wrench to a nut that you starting turning it without help. The time that you started threading nuts while grandpa was watching or taking a drill and making a straight hole in wood. When grandma comes for you to do animals and you are great helping her, carefully handling the animals that you are watching others do. You like cleaning and helping which makes it difficult but also wonderful.

I am glad and feel blessed that i have you terrorizing me all day long. It does get lonely sometimes but when I was able to take you to a great playgroup were you got to play. I was able to socialize with other moms, it helps me not feel like I am going crazy. Sometimes I do feel like I am failing but when I get those hugs I know that I am at least trying. You are one of those kids that don’t pre-made schedules and will do everything to make it difficult. Your dad reminds me that we prayed for a stubborn boy, what was I thinking. The Lord has given me such a wonderful gift.

When you little brother comes in April I believe you will be the best brother. I will love you the same, your dad will be taking to the shop to help with your attention grabbing moments. I will like to mention that I was also a trouble maker as a child! I love you my little man and I am very proud you have come. I am glad to be home with you and not letting go of a dream.

Love Your Young Country Mama,